i blog here:3

im really scared of everything:(

I love Miku:333₊˚✧ ﾟ.(april 21st 2025) You know that fandom that you think is really really cool but you just never got into it? That was Hatsune Miku for me. Like I knew Miku, I I even listened to Miku, played colorful stage but I just never really joined the fandom. But I did nowww:33333 I tend to obsess over fictional shit when life gets too much and Miku is my current thing I've latched onto:3 I've done a bunch of research about her and vocaloid and now I'm just like consuming shit from the fandom and I'm having a silly little good time and I've been listening to her constantly and yeah MIKUUU:00 I'm gonna edit her This started cuz I watched the colorful stage Miku movie:) IT WAS SO GOOOODD‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️MIKUUUUUUU MIKUUUUUUU MIKUUUUUUUUU

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺the fear of putting yourself out there༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚(advice ramble from a weird teenage they/them)(april 8th 2025) You cant be scared of saying the wrong thing that you dont speak at all, you can't be so scared you'll get made fun of that you dont enjoy things, you cant be so scared to mess up that you dont live. I dont know anything im just a sad teenager, but i know this. I think lately ive been so scared to be really genuinely seen for who i am, ive been scared to put myself out there, but ive realized its not worth it. just being unapologetically yourself is better in the end. its okay to make mistakes its okay to not know what to say, we dont always have to know everything. its okay. trying is better than not trying, dont give up before you've even started. put yourself out there, let people follow your space hey account even though you can be judged. Your only a person, we are all only people. (some of my irl friends have my account and thats chill:3 its okay!!!!11111!11!1111!!!!! and im not gonna stop posting blogs cuz their cringey or might be judged wahtever, these are fun:3) life is a performance, a constant balancing act of trying to make sure everyone is okay and ur doing the right thing, but u cant be so scared to mess up the performance that you dont get a chance to live a real life. my metaphors are wack but i think you get what im trying to say. i think a life where you hide all the negative parts of you or parts that might be slightly weird or cringey or whatever fucking else isnt worth it. Be your imperfect self, let people see your imperfect self. See other peoples imperfect selves and accept them. love ur friends and love urself man ur probably chill:3 if you get anything from this blog entry i want it to be that you shouldnt be so scared to be yourself, you shouldnt be so scared to try. (P.S. i want to make it clear that im not trying to be like, its okay to be awful and be a dick, im trying to say that its okay to mess up, and its okay to apologize, its okay to do things we regret, its okay to live you dont have to hide ur mistakes or imperfections. You matter! but so do other people! respect yourself and respect other people) as blue foster once said "we are all just stupid bitches trying just to get along."-mr. smith, 3rd period, forever! by blue foster

‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚⊹life update from a sad teenage strawberry who just wants to create𖦹.✧˚(april 5th 2025) haven't been on this site for awhile, i guess its been busy. im just trying to get through school honestly, its alot, but also i feel like i need school, like i feel so purposeless without it. I guess my beige flag is that i have this view that i will achieve all my goals, i have this view that in the future it will get better. i guess school just feels like me working towards that. I like to take things day by day and not look too far forward, its scary but i have this trust, not in a god or anything like that, but in myself. i guess i feel like even though its getting worse and worse right now it will get better and i will do the things i want to do. I try to live life in the guides of three core things: make sure my friends okay+just love my friends, create and customize everything, and to be better than what i am. The first thing is a cause of so much of my anxiety, i constantly feel like im not good enough or im doing something wrong. i care about my friends opinions more than anyone else in the world, and i interilize almost everything they say, especially all the negative jokes. i worry about them constantly and everything i do feels like too much or not enough. But also its a cause of so much of my joy, i love connecting with people, i think thats my favorite part of this human existence. that feeling of just getting and understanding a person, knowing their pain and them know yours. Im so grateful for my friends id definitely be gone without them, and i might end up dying with them. That image thats like "personalize everything or die with nothing to your name" is one my favorite things. i love putting a bit of myself into everything i do, i draw on almost every paper i ever touch, i die my hair bright colors, i put glitter on my face, i put stickers and drawings on all my stuff, all my walls have posters and art and little pieces of my life and myself. Creating stuff is my passion, i think its one of the only things i have. i want to leave a mark on the world, even if just a small one, art is probably my favorite thing in whole world. I love making videos and customizing things and journaling, love journaling sm. Im on my 6th journal rn. (im gonna make an entry about journaling i thinkz) I think the self hatred i have for myself is one of the driving forces behind everything i do. its like im constantly trying to prove to myself that i am good, i am okay. but ill never really forgive myself for the shit ive done. its a constant battle, dont think ill ever win. all i want to do is to make other people happy and make my friends happy and i think hurting someone is the worst feeling in the whole entire world. it leaves you with this intense awful guilt thats like "woah you dont deserve to live you dont deserve anything actually ahahahah you thought i would forgive you, or course not ur a shit person who only ever damages people, your broken and awful and all u will ever do is hurt people". sometimes i dont know why i even try, buts that all i do, all i do is try. I think trying is good, i think its better than not trying, i want to be better, i want to do better. i like to think i will. i like to have a blind hope. Im just trying to live, im trying to make my creative mark, im trying so hard to be something postive in the world. I think i tend to seem so cynical and so down about everything but i really do have this blind hope for the future. I really hope ill get there. if im not dead before then. even if i do die, that good parts of life ive lived make all the bad parts worth it i think. who knows. idk anything im just a void.